H.P. Newton High installs super computer as principal

After two weeks of operating with an interim principal, H.P. Newton high introduced its new chief administrator, a computer.

Total Education Database or TED is the first of its kind. TED was developed to manage all support systems at a school as a cost effective alternative to hiring administrators.

Mayor Karol Fitzpatrick Mikolashek delivered a commencement speech and with the push of a small silver button, turned on the massive servers.

Mikolashek proclaimed, “I think this computer will give us an alternative to dealing with the red tape of tenure.” Soon after the mayor’s comment, TED began to laugh with a metalic voice.

The Seppuwa Fall Teachers Union is none too pleased with the addition of TED. Spokeswoman, Gladys Vitriol feels that this is an attempt by the town to back away from promises that were made regarding promotions from within.

Ms. Vitroil spoke to reporters outside the even,”This attempt by the town to replace employees with machines is an alarming prospect.” Vitriol added, “If this is an attempt by the town to play hard ball in collective bargaining agreement negotiations, then bring it on.”

Noah Atkins, who made my coffee yesterday at the Hip Stir Cafe sees a more sinister scenario possibly playing out.

Atkins said, “We have a computer that will be overseeing every aspect of that school like security cameras,student schedules and even the school nurse will be an extension of TED.”

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