Aquarius January 21 – February 19 You have decided to indulge your urge to travel. Sadly you are beginning to regret this emotion. Remember to avoid the crowds throwing petrol bombs in Tahrir Square by going a block south. Do not show your passport until the embassy gate is in site. Pisces February 20 – [...]
Hi. instead of writing horoscopes today I thought I’d write to let you know that Seppuwa Falls Gazette will not fall prey to this new star sign fad. Next week we will continue with the same star signs as an act of defiance to this idiot who thinks he can change tell me that I [...]
The horoscope writer is busy studying for his GREs. So for the next two weeks you guys will have to wing it. Except for Gemini: You should avoid dogs.
Aquarius January 21 – February 19 The new year is not the time to revisit old bad habits, you must avoid temptation. Laura, you need to fight the urge of getting caught up in this season’s The Bachelor your family is preparing an intervention soon. Pisces February 20 – March 20 An overreaction is never [...]
Aquarius January 21 – February 19 Your desperation is becoming more and more apparent. For example today at the Dunkin Donuts when you looked at that guy who you thought was cute, was under 18. Time to start looking at other options. Pisces February 20 – March 20 Stop being a spectator and start being [...]
Aquarius January 21 – February 19 Variety is the spice of life. You have taken that quite literally, you decided to start a blog documenting your search for the perfect buffet. You not only increase your knowledge of the town’s underground buffet scene, you also increase your cholesterol level. Pisces February 20 – March 20 [...]
Aquarius January 21 – February 19 Adventure awaits you at every corner if you change your outlook on life. Next time your at your office tackle the intern then tell him that you need his help in getting the code or the nuclear warhead will detonate. Then let the excitement ensue. Pisces February 20 – [...]
Aquarius January 21 – February 19 We realize the holidays may be difficult for you being a of an alternative religion, but your obsession with Dexter does not warrant you to ask for a day off this December called Dextmas. Pisces February 20 – March 20 Your relationship will be tested when your girlfriend who [...]
Aquarius January 21 – February 19 Your attempt to convince your boss that not having a menorah will find a great deal of support. Sadly tensions will rise when your coworker who practices Wicca gets offended that she was not included in your speech on diversity. She will cast a spell on you. Pisces February [...]
Aquarius January 21 – February 19 The stars indicate your saving may be coming fruitful in just a few more days! Be careful, though. Keep the receipt or they’ll definitely make you take store credit if you don’t end up liking it. You know, like you did with that exercise ball last spring. The one [...]
